Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
