Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
