Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
