dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
