You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
