I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
