No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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