apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
