I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
