So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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