I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
