My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
