the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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