Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
