I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
