reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
