Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
