I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
