Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
