you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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