I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
