i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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