walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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