I think I am morally bankrupt
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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