I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
