Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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