and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
