I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
