I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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