She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
