I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
