i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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