So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
