I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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