One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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