The maid of honor just puked.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
