i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
