I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
