What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize