My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
