Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
