I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
