I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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