Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
