I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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