if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
