State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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