I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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