do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i drank out of a bidet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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