So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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