So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
