please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
