Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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