im drinking this country out of the recession.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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