dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I currently don't understand fingers.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
