think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
