the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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