rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
