ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
