You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
