my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
