Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
