Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
