I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
