people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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