I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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