I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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