Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
