I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
