I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
