its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
